Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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