what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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