the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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