my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
