I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
