Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
