john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
