Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
