I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
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walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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