You smell like stripper and shame
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
