i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
