one two three fourrrrnication!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
