His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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