ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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