well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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