I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
