This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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