Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
