Jerry, you need to find god
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
