fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
