i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
