the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
