i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
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Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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