I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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