the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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