so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
