so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
