I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
