just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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