who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
