Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize