My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
this hospital has no fireball
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
