You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
