no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
