I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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