I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
