as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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