overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
