she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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