Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
