You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
