i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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