i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
