I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
