he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
