I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
They have beer where we have blood.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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