Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
