I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
