Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
