please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
