Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
