Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
