honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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