meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
there is glitter all over my balls
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
