i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
