Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
