i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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