I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize