Yo dont text me then not text me
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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