i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
