Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
