I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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