so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
