I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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