a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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