i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
