I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
