I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
