my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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