he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
