and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
