So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
