Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
