I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
