2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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