I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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