I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize