I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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