I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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