Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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