My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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