guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
