Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
