He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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